Today I was going through my old journals and found some very funny and embarrassing entries. But as I read all 7 of em I realized that…
I always hated my body.
My sisters are all normal weight, but I’m not.
I hate that my stomach isn’t flat, that my thighs rub together when I walk causing discomfort and chaffing, and I hate that my arms don’t look good in muscle tees.
All my sisters can wear whatever they want without feeling like one of these guys…
At least they’re cute, but I didn’t feel cute. 🙁
I can’t wear crop tops because my belly will pour out, I can’t wear a bikini because all of my fat will show, I can’t wear shorts because my thighs are huge. It’s just so upsetting because you want to feel and look beautiful but then you’re just stuck wearing jeans in the summer and over sized tees.
Growing up all I’ve constantly heard from my mom was “don’t you think you’re eating too much”, “Leah maybe you shouldn’t eat that”, “Wow don’t you think that’s too much.” It gave me anxiety to even eat anything. Every time I put food in my mouth I just felt so fat, ugly and ashamed. She fears being fat and she put that fear onto me.
I wrote endless ways on how I wanted to be skinny in my journal. “Skip breakfast”, “only eat breakfast”, “eat nothing”, “just drink water”, “no dairy”, “no cooking”. I remember I used to have a diet of just cereal. I turned vegan, I exercised every morning. I did everything and my weight will always range between 138-146lb. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t look good in certain outfits because society makes fun of people like me who wear “skinny people clothes” when we’re not skinny.
But then a friend of mine told me I was her body goals, she said she wish she was my size and that I was just so perfect in size.
I was just so confused because I’m so insecure about my weight that for someone to want it just seemed too crazy to be true.
When I look in the mirror at my body now I still get insecure but then I remember that somebody always wishes they we’re you. So instead of worrying about the little things like the extra fat that jiggles from your arms or the fact that you’re not blessed with a thigh gap, be thankful and love yourself. As long as you’re healthy enjoy the body you have. I mean some people are born with deformities and some lost a arm or leg, be thankful for your arms and legs, and that you have lungs, and that you have a beautiful smile.
Don’t let that take away your smile. Be confident in who you are, be proud and accept yourself.
Nobody will love you more that you can possibly love yourself. So without accepting your flaws don’t just expect other people to.
Look in the mirror and say what you love about yourself. Accept yourself. Love and take care of your temple. You only have one of those in a lifetime so be happy that it’s yours.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way.
Thanks for reading,
P.S. I have nothing against my mom she just thought she was helping. lol
There’s no parenting guide and sometimes people fuck up, nobody’s perfect. I love my mum 🙂