Fighting My Depression 💪✨🥊
I wake up almost everyday wishing I hadn’t.
Believe me, it’s a horrible feeling. Battling both life and death at once. A part of me still wants to live but the other part is just wanting to die so badly. People may think I’m being dramatic or that I’m just seeking attention but I’m being so honest when I say that school is the reason. I am utterly depressed and frustrated and hopeless. I just don’t like school. It’s really draining and it’s not something I’d like to use my time on.
Every day I wake up and drag my miserable self to school is a waste of my life, a waste of my youth. I want to take things slowly and make my own life decisions. I feel like there is more to life than waking up going to school eating sleeping studying and doing it all over again. It’s a miserable routine. I can honestly ride my whole college career with a bunch of A’s and B’s because it’s not really much of a challenge for me. I can do it I know but I don’t feel like it. I just don’t.
I know some people wish they could get an education and have the opportunities I do but I’d honestly gladly give it up to someone who wants it as bad as I don’t want it.
Right now if I was to tell my mother I wanted to quit school my bags would be packed and right in front of the door. But the thing is I’m not ready to move out. I have absolutely no funds for that. I don’t have a job, & the fact that I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world It’s not easy to get on my two feet. I’m not looking forward to living on the train or some shit. I’m miserable and I’m stuck. No matter where I turn I’m going to find myself wanting out… of life.
I also am scared of the future, what if my mom and everyone else is right, that if I don’t finish school I’m just going to end up homeless and in the cold. I’m scared, of my future. But I have something in mind, I just wish my parents were supportive people. I wish my family was supportive but they want me to follow their ideals on what my future should look like. There’s no space for me to have trial and error. They tell me that I have so much life left & I should just do this and be done and over with it but if I do have that much life left then why not let me discover what I want, and who I want to be. People who go through the miserable school system are doing it because that is what they think is necessary. But I’m just doing it because everyone told me to, and I don’t like it. I hate routines, I like to be able to do whatever I want when I want.
I just genuinely hate school.
I want to write. I want to read, write, and experience. I want to go and travel the world, and write about the things I learned, I want to study language, I want to study nature, I want to experience what living is really like. I want to climb trees and mountains, I want to grow somethings and create something with my two hands. I want to put smiles on people’s faces. I want to make my tiny little mark on this world.
So currently I’m in trying to save enough money to do that. To live and feel a sense of freedom. This is not sponsored but I downloaded this app called Qapital. I’m using it to reach my goal of $30,000 to fund my trip. It’s a pretty awesome app & it’s free. I just attached my bank account to it and it automatically pulls out how ever much I choose a month. I don’t have a job currently but I do have a bit of money to pay bills and stuff so I added that to one of my bills and so far I have $50. Although it doesn’t seem like much compared to my big goal, but it is just a start to achieve my dreams.
People are always saying follow your heart and my heart is telling me to do this, this is what I need to do, and what I want to do. I want to live & with Qapital I hope to save enough money to achieve that.
If you guys are also trying to save I feel like this app is freaking awesome! I love it, there’s also many ways you can save oh and if you sign up with this link, you can get an automatic $5 towards your goal! (Also gives me $5 towards my goal! It’s a win win! <3 ) Qapital is also FDIC insured. So it’s safe to use and again free. If you give up on your goals (which I don’t advise unless absolutely necessary) you can always transfer the money right back into your bank account. Give it a go. It’ll be such an amazing thing to see that your “unachievable” goal is actually achievable.
Click here to get started:
Thank you for reading guys, save that $$, and achieve your greatest dreams. We can both be successful. Don’t give up on your goals, I’m trying so hard and fighting, I hope you guys fight too. Toodles